In the car this morning, the kids and I were listening to a Disney songs collection.  With each new song, I asked Macy to guess which movie it was from.  She got most of them correct.  But with each song, this is basically what she said: “Mom, that’s Aladdin.  I don’t like that movie. I can’t stand Jafar.  I don’t like him at all.” Then, “ Oh, that’s Little Mermaid.  I hate that movie, ‘cuz it has Ursula the sea witch in it.”  And, “Mommy, that’s Beauty and the Beast.  I hate Gaston.  I don’t like that movie either.”

So, I said to her, “But Macy, without the villains of the story, the heroes don’t really get to do anything heroic.”  This logic, being lost on my four year-old, said, “Whatever you say, mommy…”

I’ve been thinking about this all morning now.  My husband always tells me I’m a hopeless romantic.  But I think I’m a hope-FUL  romantic!  And I think we have good reason to be that way.  I mean, the hero in every fairy tale fights the villain and rescues, the world, the town, or maybe just one princess.  But it doesn’t matter how big the rescue is, especially if you are the princess! 

Aren’t we all just waiting for the man on the white horse to ride in and save us?  Or the handsome prince to come and rescue us with a kiss? Or the mighty warrior, who slays all the wicked with one swipe of his hand?     

The bible tells us that Jesus is our Prince of Peace.  Isaiah 9:6 NIV

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And                    he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

There IS  a Man on a white horse, ready to fight for us!Revelation 19:11 NIV

[The Rider on the White Horse] I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war.

And there IS  a warrior, defending us at every turn. Jeremiah 20:11 NIV

But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail. They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced; their dishonor will never be forgotten.

I think it’s kinda funny/ironic that Satan’s ultimate goal is to destroy us.  For BECAUSE of that very motive lies the reason Jesus performs the greatest rescue mission of ALL TIME!  That makes me so excited!  It reminds me of the words Joseph said: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20

Every time it feels like the villain is winning, is beating the tar out of me…I remind myself of those verses that tell me the hero we’ve all dreamed of saving us is very real.  His name is Jesus!!!

 

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-9

 

I’m so glad I read this today.  However, it would have done me more good to have read it at the beginning of the week! Oh well…

Jars of clay.  I love this.  Because it doesn’t seem like such a difficult thing to be. Just a plain old jar of clay.  Nothing fancy or complex…simple, so that His power would be made evident to those around us.  The only problem is that sometimes, there IS no special power being manifested in my life.  Often, I am just an empty jar of clay, with no priceless treasure inside at all. 

You see, I’ve had the kind of week which included zero sleep (for a stroke survivor, that is a serious problem!), an entire family of sick people, several trips to the doctor only to still not know what’s wrong, my husband hit a deer with his car, my daughter is testing me to my breaking point, etc., etc…. I have felt so weak, so powerless to show patience and kindness to those around me.  I have been running on empty.  No treasure.  No power.

But the problem isn’t the fact that I didn’t HAVE the treasure…it’s that I had lost sight of what it was.

The second verse lists a bunch of “but nots”.  And they are awesome! Take a look at them with me. The first one is “pressed but not crushed”.  Pressure and stress are joy-suckers, for sure, but we are NOT  “crushed”.  This means the pressure is tight, and may even hurt.  But it is  not crushing us!  Perplexed but not in despair.  I looked up the word “perplexed” and some of the words used to describe it were “confused, full of anxiety.”  That’s me again!  And sometimes I think it’s carried over into despair, but if I really look at it with clear vision, it was probably never actually “despair.”  And the last one: “struck down, but not destroyed.” You know in those war movies, where a soldier will cry out after being shot, “I’ve been hit!  I’ve been hit!” ?  Being struck down means that for awhile, you  may not be up to fighting on the front lines…you may need to heal.  BUT, you are NOT destroyed!  If you were, you’d be dead, and you wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff anymore!  These are really some very powerful “but nots”!

I will maybe need to read this each day until the reality of them reaches my heart.  And that is the treasure, really.  To go through life, with all of its slings and arrows, and still have hope, still enduring for the glory of God.  That sure would be powerful, wouldn’t it?

 

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

I realized today that there is nothing special about my life.  No, I did NOT say there was nothing special about ME…just my life. Anybody’s life, for that matter.  At any given moment, your kid could vomit all over you, get the terrible kind of diaper rash that bleeds, have a fender-bender or a flat tire, or the washer starts spewing water all over the floor, or all of your kids take turns keeping you up half the night, or you and your hubby/wifey picks the scab of that same old fight you can’t get rid of, and you spend most of your day praying for it to be over. 

I was getting a teensy bit “woe is me-ish” this week.  Then I remembered that my stinky, yucky days look an awful lot like everyone else’s.  Even my stroke doesn’t make me special, because EVERYONE has that “thorn in the flesh” that they pray every day would just vanish.

The verse doesn’t say “ no PROBLEM  has overtaken you”, because the problem really isn’t the “problem”.  You get me?  It’s more about our reactions and responses, or our temptation to act in such a way that you end up dishonoring yourself and God.

But this verse also reminds us that everyone struggles…we are not alone in our fight just to get through the day with a little more patience and love than the day before.  And it also reminds us, so gently, that God is FAITHFUL, and He knows just how much each of us can withstand, and will not allow it to go past that point.  To that, I sometimes think, “Ummm, God, you must have me confused with someone else.  This is too much!”

Today, I am practicing that last part of the verse.  I’m looking for the “escape button”, so I can get through these days.  Maybe that button is talking to a trusted friend, or escaping into His word, or maybe it is just praying for clear vision about what is happening, remembering that it is a battle, “not of flesh and blood, but  of principalities and darkness…”.

So, if you’re feeling singled out in this life because of all the struggles that find you, please know that God is faithful, and is keeping you.  Oh, and don’t forget:  YOU AIN’T  SPECIAL!  I mean that in the nicest way. : )

II Samuel 23:11

Sometimes I just want to pick up and take off!  To where, you ask?  Well, there are two top places on my list.  The first is somewhere like Washington or Oregon.  I would have a little cottage on the top of a cliff, looking out over the ocean.  And every morning, I would wake to the smell of the little purple flowers dancing, just outside my bedroom window, in the salty ocean breeze.  I’d eat soup every night and write poetry out on my swing I had built at the edge of the cliff. Ahhh.  Who wants to come?

The second choice is Venice, Italy.  I would have this great, cozy apartment overlooking the busy canals.  I can almost smell the oregano and garlic in the air, and can nearly hear the old, Italian couples bickering loudly in a foreign tongue, which when you don’t know what they’re saying, sounds perfectly innocent and kinda adorable!  I would spend my days at the markets, getting supplies to try out all these great recipes from my wonderful neighbors, who are always singing “That’s Amore” and other cool Italian tunes. Anyone joining me?

I think about these places a lot, and imagine my life there pretty frequently.  But it’s WHEN I think about them that I find a little concerning. Now, sometimes it’s just because I’d like a little adventure, and I don’t think there’s too much wrong with that.  But it’s the other times….when I want to run away and  never look back, or when I’m simply not satisfied with my life as it now stands.

Well, the problem with running away, if it’s from SOMETHING, you’d better know now that your problems have implanted in you a GPS tracking device.  This means, no matter where you go, they can and will find you.  Ugggh.  This is really ruining my fantasies. 

And the problem of dissatisfaction is that both of these imagined worlds and life stories I just made up are just that. Imagined.  The cottage on the cliff probably has a leaky roof that you will have to fix, just like your one at home. And in Venice, how many times can you hear “That’s Amore” without wanting to punch somebody??  And no matter how exciting the idea of a new environment may sound at first, we are all so easily bored.  And it would take probably just a couple of weeks  to get to that place of discontentment.  (But I’d still like the chance to prove that theory wrong!)

This got me thinking about one of David’s “mighty men”, Shammah.  II Samuel 23 tells us that Shammah stood his ground, in the middle of a field of lentils, battling the Philistine army until they just stopped coming.  Well, fighting an army in a field of peas, just sounds like an awesome time, doesn’t it?  Sometimes, that description best fits my life.  Fighting an army in a field of peas.  We’re always battling something in life, but running away from  it just ensures another battle somewhere else down the road.  Running never rescues us. 

And our dissatisfaction, or the “peas”, is a battle all in its own. Both of these things won’t change because you change your location. It’s more about asking God to change YOU.  Ask for more courage to face the battles that just keep on coming.  And ask for peace and contentment in the life He has so graciously given to you, and give Him thanks!

And by all means, if you’re just feeling adventurous, you can steal one of my dreams.  I’ve got more!

Psalm 108:4 NKJV

I’ve been thinking about something a lot over the last few weeks, and after speaking to someone about it,  here it is. 

This issues lies at the heart of all of my frustrations in walking this life with God, and I think I will always struggle with the “whys” of it.

We know that when we are saved, we are new creations with renewed minds, a new spirit…new everything.  Belonging to Him and walking with Him is supposed to make us more like Him, in His heart and spirit.  And for the longest time, I have thought the way I’m learning to handle conflict and anger is the “right” way.  I mean, I give myself  a “timeout”, so I can reflect before I act.  I take “breathers”, or a walk, or swear under my breath.  Sometimes I take on my old self and just lash out and quickly follow up with a nice, sincere apology. Even that deep breath I take to calm down…none of these are actions of walking in the Spirit!  Jesus didn’t need to take a breather to keep himself from having a complete meltdown, like I do.

I’m talking in terms of “I” and “me”, but if you’re honest, maybe you will lump yourself in with me in this shameful category.

Will I ever be perfect?  Will I ever reflect Him TRULY?  Will my gut reactions, my sincerest actions, ever reflect Jesus?  Will I ever just naturally and impulsively respond to pain and conflict with grace, humility, patience, and gentleness without taking even the smallest nanosecond to consider my actions?  Are these  verses about God being greater than our hearts even when our hearts condemn us…are they being misused  to pacify the guilt we experience when we screw up? 

What would the world look like if we were at least a little more honest about ourselves?  I think it would make it incredibly difficult to criticize, judge, and condemn another’s mistake.  Maybe THAT’S why this sometimes unbearable struggle seems to go on and on and on… Maybe it’s so that we would never forget how much we need His mercy every single day of our lives, and so, be more willing to be merciful to those around us.  I realize , too, on the flip side of that, if I spend the rest of my life condemning myself for not being all I see I could be, then I think it will be become easier and easier to condemn others as well. 

The key is not to work on our anger management skills, but maybe to work on our mercy skills!  Today, I will start with me.

Exodus 10

One of the most well-known stories of the bible is that of Moses being sent to rescue the Israelites.   When I think of the history between Pharoah and Moses, it makes the story seem all the more amazing to me.  Here we have, basically, half brothers, battling to the death over the lives of the thousands of Jews enslaved by Pharoah and his fathers before him.

And with each plague sent to torment him and his people, I think we all are murmuring, “That’s it.  He’s gotta let them go now!”  But it was never enough, until God took his son from him.  That was the last straw, so he finally let them go, after months or years of ultimate torture.  Or so we thought.  There he is, storming down the mountain to the Red Sea to take back what he wrongfully thought was his all along.

I see so much of myself in that man.  There have been many things God has gently asked me to put aside for Him, and after years of refusing He basically has to painfully wrench it from my hands.  Our pride is a deadly thing.  And when we refuse to surrender what God asks of us, we will surely drown in our stubbornness, just like Pharoah. 

But what was Pharoah really holding onto?  Was it his responsibility to the generations before him to remain strong?  Was it based on a petty family rivalry?  Or was it because he couldn’t bare to be wrong? 

How often have I messed up just so that I could prove a point, or to try to one-up someone else?  Or maybe it was because if I admitted to making a mistake in judgement, then perhaps I wouldn’t be trusted?

What I see in Pharoah is what I see in families and relationships all around me.  I see people who are so hell-bent on being RIGHT that they destroy everyone and everything in their path.

God, humble me!  Teach me that it is better to be “right” in YOUR eyes than in mine or those around me.  Help me to let go of dangerous habits that I stubbornly cling to, and cling to You, instead!  Lord, forgive me when I continue down the wrong road just because I don’t want to admit I messed up.  And please, continue to put people in my path who encourage me to let go of all the things which weigh me down.

 

 

 

I figured out today why I’m feeling a little antsy and the tiniest bit depressed.  I signed and registered both of my kids for daycare and preschool, and they will start in about a week.  Fighting against my natural desire to care for my children myself is a need to survive so that I can be their mom for a long while.  You see, this stinkin’ stroke, as I lovingly refer to it, has stolen nearly all of my energy, memory, and focus.  I’ve really been trying so hard to do as much of it on my own as possible…now, it seems that they and I would really benefit from outside help. 

Now, I’ve never been one to hold on to a job title for any real kind of self-assurance.  I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for two years, and I’ve always been kinda proud of that, even when I wasn’t doing my very best at it!

Before, when I got paid to work, when asked , I didn’t say I was a social worker.  I said I worked with kids in foster care.  And now when I am asked by people I am just meeting, I say  that I take care of my kids full time.  And I thought that would be enough to keep my worth from getting mixed up with what I do.  But, no such luck.  Because now that I know my kids will be getting cared for by someone else, and someone else will be holding them and teaching them, I feel sad.  And what’s more…I feel ashamed.  Ashamed that I am not some Superwoman who can withstand all of the effects of a stroke, even though God did protect me from a lot of them. 

But I know I’m not alone in this department, stroke or no stroke.  Many people identify their value by what they get paid to do.  Some people are blessed to love what they do, but even for them there is danger in that.  What if, for whatever reason, you could no longer perform your job?  What then would you say to people when they ask you to describe yourself? 

For me, it’s not so much about what others will think of me (although I DO rush to explain I had a stroke when I say don’t work outside of the home…) but just what I think of me, of the kind of mom I always wanted to be.  And you can give me your counsel and say, “ It’s not what you do…it’s just a matter of BEING there,” and I guess that would work if I WAS there, and I won’t be. 

So, what do I do when I feel yucky, sad, and worthless?  I eat chocolate and lots of butter.  NO!!!  (Well, actually…I do that a little!)  I listen to what God has to say about me.  And since I know He never lies, I can believe Him!

Psalm 139:14

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”

I’m working on teaching my soul those very things.  If His works are marvelous, and I am His creation, then everything I do in His name, no matter my physical limitations, is beautiful, and worth A LOT!  So, if you struggle with this, know you’re not alone…and know that your heart is what matters to Him, not how well you do at ANYTHING! 

So please pray for me, that I will adjust to this situation with grace and hope.  Because I want to feel as marvelous as He says I am!

• Isaiah 61:3 NKJV

To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

It’s still smoking all around you, clouding and choking your vision.  The crunching beneath your feet are the remains of what you once had and once held dear; pictures capturing moments that marked the miles you’ve walked, and momentos of a life that made others proud, and still others just a little bit jealous.   When the wind picks up a bit,  pieces of you blow all over, and are lost forever. People are crying nearby, or is that you? You wonder if this is the end…this level of destruction you’ve never even seen before, let alone experienced.  You doubt if you can ever bounce back after this.  Look at this mess!  What would you bounce back to?  It’s all gone!

You are staring at the rubble, and the wind, gently and slowly, starts to clear out the smoke.  Your eyes then focus on one beam in the center of all that is lost.  This one looks nothing like the other burned and charred remains being cleared out of the way.  In fact, this giant, sturdy, thick board looks almost brand-new.  And so, with that one piece of wood, imagine with me the amazing thing just beginning to take form.  It’s bigger than it once was, stronger than it was before.  It’s taller than anything you’ve seen in quite a while.  You can even see some of the colors now!  Deep reds and majestic blues. It is simply….beautiful.  Royal, even.

You can barely  smell the smoke in the air anymore, or see the burned remains of what once was you. You’re realizing it’s really hard to stay sad and to mourn what you’ve lost, in light of what now is yours! 

Maybe you lost what you lost because you lit a match, and maybe it happened….well, just because tragedy never misses a single one of us. But either way, you lost it all…all those precious things, all those things which seemed to make you who you are. 

But if you will look closely at this pain, stare it in the face, and give that pain to Someone who CAN carry all of your rubble and all of your remains.  And you will see the extraordinary beauty that can most definitely become of all those precious ashes!

The Voice.

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

John 10 is a beautiful chapter, portraying Jesus as the Shepherd.  In ancient times, some families or clans would pen up their sheep all together at night in a large, circular  area, enclosed by a stone wall.  So, all of their sheep would be combined in this enclosure each night, and the one and only door to get to the sheep was guarded by a “porter”, who would lay down in front of the door all night in order to keep thieves from entering, and also to keep sheep from wandering out.  

Don’t we also need protection like that?  From thieves and from ourselves? The verse says the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. That means if he has to destroy you in order to get what he came for, then that’s just a bonus.  Those that suffer from depression and end up taking their own life, are the ultimate victims of this, the cruelest of robberies.  

Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out how much to blame on satan and how much to blame myself.  But even if our hearts are deceitful above all else, and that is what the bible tells us, they are really just contracted assasins, coming back to report to him when the job’s completed.

How many times have I been too weak and just watched  my joy, my peace, my contentment  be violently ripped away from me? How many times have I lost pieces of my very soul simply because I wandered away?  And how many times have I not even put up a fight at all?   

In the morning, each shepherd would call for their sheep, and the sheep would only go when they heard their shepherd’s voice. Jesus calls Himself the good Shepherd in chapter 10.  In my very limited brain functioning, I hear that as “ I am THE ONLY  good shepherd!  I think He wants us to know that his is the only voice we should be listening to, and, frankly, the only voice we NEED.  Because in HIS voice, we hear forgiveness when others shout for vengeance.  In HIS voice, we hear peace when the world screams for war.  And in HIS voice, we hear love when all of the other voices chant at us to hate. His voice is truth.  And in light of what all the other voices shout at us to believe about others and especially about ourselves, He is SALVATION.