My family recently went to Camelbeach Water Park.

We went on pretty much every water slide they had. But there was one particular ride that sticks out in my mind. It was called The Midnight Run.

This ride was a blackish blue tunnel that whipped us around, nearly upside down at times, with sudden drops with tidal waves of water gushing at us, in pitch blackness, until we finally saw light….

One last forceful splash of water in your face….

And then it was over.

And as we were getting out of the tube, we looked at each other, my husband and two kids and me, and we almost in unison shouted….

“Let’s go again!!!!!!!”

So we ran and clamored back up to where the ride began to experience that thrill again and again.

It was kinda scary, exciting,  and terrifying all at once.
Every ride had an element of fear,

Every ride had an element of ADVENTURE!

It was just plain old FUN!!

A little later in the day, I was thinking  about how much we love to experience these little moments of  excitement,  anxiety,  and dread…

Yet we don’t want to experience ANY  of this in our actual lives.

We really don’t want to feel fear .

We really don’t want to feel dread.

We really don’t want to feel a whole lot of anxiety.

In life.

Yet, we often spend A LOT of money, PAYING to feel those very things for amusement!

We know a couple of major differences between amusement parks and real life:

We know that usually,  these rides are perfectly safe. There’s not much risk for physical injury.  WE KNOW we’re not going to get hurt on one of these little rides.

We know that these rides only last so long! We know that it will very soon be over.

The same can’t be said about the trials, fears, and heartbreaks of this life.

Or can it???
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness.

2 Peter 3: 8

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

2 Corinthians 4:17

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 

See what God did there???

Now, I  know that there some losses we have to deal with that you just can’t possibly put a positive spin on….some things are just never going to feel like an adventure,  but simply a tragedy. 

But there are insults, harsh criticism,  gossip, conflicts, everyday stress, rebellious children, failed relationships,  and the list goes on and on….

These are the things that whip us around until we’re just plain backwards, these things that sometimes make us feel like the bottom just opened up, and we’re plummeting into a place we really don’t want to be.

In these moments…

It’s THEN when we must remember that sometime soon, we’ll be getting off of this ride. It’s then when we must pay attention so we can learn all God wants to teach us while we’re flying and sliding around into pitch black places unknown.

It’s then when we so desperately need to remember that this adventure we are all on will last only for a season.  

So hang on!!

The ride will be over soon. 😊

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,  according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen

Ephesians 3:20

I used to encourage myself with this verse whenever I would feel afraid that the things I  dreamed for might never happen.  

Like God was a genie. And what He would one day give me would be “SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULD EVER ASK OR IMAGINE!” (Say that with a big, booming voice to get the full effect.)😁

And to be honest, He HAS done a lot of “wish-granting” in my life. My two beautiful kids are some evidence of that. 

But there’s another side to this scripture.

A less fluffy,  white clouds, and rainbows version.

Sometimes we hit patches of the darkest dark, a blackness we never asked for, and one we could have never even imagined.

I would never have  imagined  that I would be the “betrayer” in ANY relationship I’ve had with others. Yet, in one way or another,  I have been just that in MANY  of them.

I would never have imagined grappling with so many forms of addiction, but I have.

I would never have imagined being thrown into such deep depression,  but I  was. 

I  would never have imagined struggling through so many life threatening situations, but I  did.

Often, God needs to pretty much tear our lives apart in ways we’d never thought of….just  so we can watch how He puts it back together again!

He gets glory from our weakness, turns evil into redemption,  makes broken into beauty.

Our God has one heck of an imagination!

He’s been creating all of our stories from the beginning of time!

They are all riveting, suspenseful, mysterious, a little romantic,  hysterically funny, sometimes gory, tragic, inspirational …

And EACH ONE IS A MASTERPIECE.

One we could have never imagined. 

​When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 

1 Corinthians 13:11 
I remember when both of my children were small, whenever  they demonstrated a tendency or habit that I  really didn’t like, I  would say to myself,  ” Boy, I really can’t wait for them to grow out of this!”

For my daughter, it was whining. 

For my son,  it was tantrums.

Typical behavior for children, most of us would say.

Now, if as a grownup,  we were seen in the grocery store on our bellies, arms and legs flailing in the air….screaming our pretty little heads off…..

Well, we would look ridiculous!!

But we DO act like children in many, many ways. 

The Greek word for spoke means ” spoke rashly or thoughtlessly “. “Thought” in Greek means “planned”. And “understood” means “perceived or internalized “.

So,
When I was a child, I spoke RASHLY or THOUGHTLESSLY , I PLANNED like a child, I  INTERNALIZED and PERCEIVED like a child.
I wonder if God ever takes a deep, frustrated breath and says, “Boy, I  really can’t wait for them to grow out of this!”

How often have I spoke harshly to someone? How many times did I say something thoughtless to another, who was suffering some kind of loss?

How often have I not asked God what He wanted me to do next, and just “went with my gut”? How often have I refused to be submissive to what I  KNEW  He was instructing me to do?

How often do I take information in, and immediately allow my FEELINGS to determine my  actions,  instead of going right away to the  Word of God for wisdom?

I’ll be very honest. 

I guess I’m still just a child.

Too much self still left in here.

But Paul makes a good point. He says, “when I  BECAME a man “…….

Growing is about BECOMING. 

Gradually changing into the grownups we were meant to be.

I’m so thankful to love the God of  “becomings”!
An extremely patient Father, who encourages us to grow up, to put away all of those childish things. 

That’s what they really are,  ya know.
Childish things.
Listening to YOUR voice while you silence God’s  is childish.

Caring about yourself over others is childish.

Blowing up at our loved ones is childish.

Being insensitive to people who are hurting is childish.

The ” putting away of childish things” is certainly not easy to do.  

It’s a daily dying.

Killing off those selfish cells of  yearnings to be RIGHT, to be HAPPY, to be 

LIKED…

Let’s trust this ever-loving God to take control of our lives, and allow ourselves to BECOME, under His very watchful eye.

It really is time….

To grow up. 

Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”
John 11:32

This is the same Mary who knelt at Jesus’ feet while Martha complained she was left to do all the work.
It’s the same Mary who, at her Savior’s feet, knelt down and washed His feet with her tears and dried them with her hair.
This time, she approaches Jesus with questions. 
Deep, painful questions. 
“Where  were You?”

“Where have You been???”
But, even through her grief of losing the brother she dearly loved…through the sharp pain…

maybe even anger…
She came to Him with the same attitude of heart which she’d always had in the past: 

On her knees. 

At His feet.

With a heart knelt down in worship.

She worshipped Him, even with questions. 

She worshipped Him, even  in deep sadness.

She worshipped Him, even in frustration with not understanding His plan.
Yet she still WORSHIPPED Him!

Sometimes we don’t approach Jesus at ALL, when we are suffering in some way.

We cut ourselves off from Him for a multitude of reasons. 

We have questions. 

We have frustrations. 

We have a bunch of “if only’s”.

“If only You had spared her life.”

” If only You had intervened…he wouldn’t have gone to prison.”

“If only You had done something.  ANYTHING. ”
The thing is, God DID plan on doing something.  And He did it, too!
And He will do it one day for YOU, too. In His totally unique way.

But we can’t let the waiting for Him to do it, or the inability to SEE  what He is doing, ever keep us from getting down on our knees before Him.

Willing to bow down.

Willing to worship.

Really, 

He can handle our questions. 

He can handle our frustrations. 

As long as we STILL  come.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

James 4:8

Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.”

When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.

John 11:1-6 

This is such a beautiful chapter,  that I decided to stay here for a little while.  Hence,  the ” Part 1″. 

 It starts out like one of Jesus’ miracles usually does. ” Need announced. Need met. ”

But this one is especially different!

The end of the scripture passage above starts out telling us how much Jesus loved Mary,  Martha, and  Lazarus. 

And then, things get CRAZY! 

The first thing we have to realize is that the Greek word for “so” literally means “therefore”, or “consequently “. 

Are you seeing what I’m seeing yet??

Okay, put the word ” therefore” or “consequently” in place of the word “so.”

” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  THEREFORE,  when He heard that He was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was. ”

In other words, BECAUSE of His love for them, He stayed away for two more days!

If you read on in the chapter, you’ll see that Lazarus died while Jesus was still away. 

Okay. Now, Jesus KNEW Lazarus was sick. He got the message. He knew His friends wanted Him to come.

But He doesn’t. 

So, He let Lazarus die because He loved them so much?

This makes no sense to our little, tiny, human minds.

Why would God allow the people He loves to go through such great, indescribable grief?

Isn’t that such a common thought of those of us who suffer?

“God, You just won’t stop telling and showing me  how much you love me…but you aren’t delivering me from ANY of this!!!”

“How is this love??”

Well, Jesus doesn’t leave us hanging, here.

Before He tells us that He loves them, He explains that Lazarus’ sickness is NOT going to result in death, and that it was for the glory of God.

If you read on, you’ll see that Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, in front of a very large crowd of mourners. 
Sometimes the love God has for you and me doesn’t really feel like love at all.

Some of our days are jam-packed with so much pain, we just can’t see it.

But it’s there.

It’s there because God wants to do something EXTRAORDINARY  with your life!

It’s there because God wants to get maximum glory from maximum pain!

It’s there because He wants to SHOW YOU just how powerful He really is!

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.  For My own sake, for My own sake, I will do it;

Isaiah 48:10,11

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5:3,4

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory

2 Corinthians 4:17

One day, we will see what it all meant.

One day, we will know what all the ripping and tearing apart of our hearts was all about. 
One thing we CAN know right now ….

He loves us. 
Of that, we can be certain.

​

 Now about that time Herod the king stretched out his hand to harass some from the church. Then he killed James the brother of John with the sword.
Acts 12:1

That’s pretty much all we get to know about how James, the brother of John, and one of the three most notable disciples of Jesus,  died. Some texts say he was beheaded, and that he was the first disciple to die because of his belief in Jesus,  but that’s it. 

The next 16 verses tells the amazing story of Peter’s miraculous rescue by an angel from the same prison where James had just been held.

James was executed. 

Called coursely out of his prison cell one day…

And was sliced with a sword.
But not Peter.

No, an angel came to save him.
I’m a huge Peter fan, in that his personality is alot like mine. So, if there’s hope for him, there must be hope for me, too, you know? So, of course that story encourages me!
But when I read this the other day, I was so saddened by the stark difference between the stories of these two best friends of Jesus. 

One gets this great miracle! 

The other just dies.

I imagined Peter’s family loudly celebrating his unique rescue….

And the joyful noise of that, disturbing and deepening the overwhelming grief going on in James’ home. 

Didn’t James’ family wonder why Peter got the miracle,  but not their James?

Why did God choose to save Peter…

But not James?

“Why not OUR  boy, Lord?”

“Didn’t you love him as much as you loved Peter?”

A year after God gave me a miracle in my own life, my first cousin,  Scott, died of a double aneurysm in the brain at the age of 40.

 I wondered, and even felt guilty about, why I  was spared, and he was taken.

Don’t we all kind of wonder what God is doing sometimes?
“Why did you heal HIM from cancer, but not my mom?”

“Why did you save THEIR marriage,  but not ours?”

” Why did you spare THEIR  child, but not mine?”
“Where’s MY miracle?”

“Where’s MY angel?”

Wow. I just don’t know. 

What I do know, is that God has an infinite number of ways to show up and do amazing things in our lives,  just like that angel did. And sometimes,  we might miss what He is giving us, doing for us, or doing IN  us, because we think or want it to look like it does for OTHER people.

James was special.  And Jesus did love him! 

He DID  want the very best for him, as He did Peter.

He just didn’t want the miracle to look the same.

James got to be in heaven BEFORE  Peter and John, his “assumed favorites “.  He got to be the very first person who Jesus loved during His time on earth to see Jesus AGAIN, on the other side!

Incredible!

Still a miracle!

Look, if you’re expecting the miracle you’re waiting on to look even a LITTLE like it does for your friends,  chances are,  you will miss YOUR miracle. 

A woman was telling me about a time she was visiting her son and his family in  another state. She said that they decided to take a day trip to a museum together. The son and his mother had hours of really great conversation,  just the two of them in the front seats of the car. She remembered thinking what a special time it was for her. 

Two days later, her son suddenly collapsed and died.

She told me she could now see that the precious time she had with that son on that road trip was a special gift, a miracle, from the Father.

She knows it.

She sees it.

I  pray we would be able to see the miracles, too.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry.

Habakkuk 2:3

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;

Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;

Do not forsake the works of Your hand.

Psalms 138:8

I have really old pans.  And I never received or bought  a complete set before. Some were given to me…some I purchased at yard sales.  

But NEVER  a brand new set of pots and pans…

Until yesterday!

I’m kind of embarassed to admit it, but in the days after we ordered them, I would keep checking out the front window of our home to see if a big box,filled  with my pristine pans, was there.

Now, you really need to understand what my original pans looked like in order to appreciate the new ones!

They were dented, and their cooking surfaces badly damaged. Some were so scratched, we couldn’t use them at all anymore. 

My mother in law has pots like this, too. There is one pot where the handle has almost fallen off completely!  But, still she uses them.

We use what we have.

But now, I have a complete set! They all have lids that fit…their surfaces are pure and perfect.  even the very bottoms of the pans, the side no one sees, is shiny , new, and beautiful.

They are going to be used to make great food, and I can hardly wait to get started!

Those old, beat-up pans, though….

They are alot like us.
Some have had illnesses that have battered our hearts and  bodies…

Some of us are dented and warped by battles of all shapes and sizes….

Some are scratched to near uselessness from abuse and betrayal….

Some of us are desperately missing patience, gentleness, endurance, faith, or love…
There will soon come a day for those who believe, where we will be made new!

All damages GONE!

No missing pieces!

We will be made whole. 

New.

 Pure.

 Unblemished.

The elderly, I’m sure, take great joy in hearing this.

But shouldn’t we all?

None of us on this side of heaven will EVER be perfect.  

And with each passing day, we are more painfully aware of our deficits and shortcomings. 

We will never be free from sin, or from all of the many consequences sin brings to all of us.

Until that day.

For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, 3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

2 Corinthians 5:1-5

 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

We are all groaning for a time when we will truly be COMPLETE. 

We are told to wait in hope for the day we will see Jesus, and the day we won’t be damaged, dented, and disabled.

Ever again.

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord;
2 Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.

3 If You, Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

7 O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
8 And He shall redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

Psalm 130

Have you ever noticed that when (and IF) Christians talk about their struggles with sin, we usually use words like ” mistake”, or a ” bad decision “? 

Why do we do that?

Why do we take that ugly  thing in us, and dress it up with a bow?

It’s  NOT a mistake. 

It’s NOT  a bad decision.

It is sin.

When you don’t call it what it is, it lessens its sting, its disgusting effect.

Jesus calls the mistakes and  bad decisions WE ALL MAKE  sin.

Sin is hideous. It can destroy people…can break the hearts of  those we love the most. 

Oh, it’s so ugly….

I recently had to face a giant-sized sin in my own life. Admittedly,  I  haven’t handled it well at all.

I withdrew from the people who I love and who love me. My shame was so powerful,  I could barely look people in the eye. 

I  mean, I’m supposed to be beyond this stuff! ( Now, add pride to the list!)  How did I fail and fall so easily??? People always tell me how strong they think I am…how brave…etc.  What would they think now?? 

How can we reconcile knowing so much about sin and the Savior, and continuing to sin until we draw our very last breath?

Corrie ten Boom, well known writer and Holocaust survivor, wrote the following:

“Jesus loves sinners. He only loves sinners. He has never turned anyone away who came to Him for forgiveness, and He died on the cross for sinners, not for respectable people. It was exactly for sinners that He suffered so terribly on the cross, so much so that it was almost impossible for Him to bear. So dreadful, that He said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34). He did all that for sinners like you, so just come.”

There is such comfort in these words for sinners like me.

He loves me.

He came for me.

He died for me!

He’s still molding and shaping me in the image of His Son.

The Apostle Paul also had something to say about sin, too:
Here is a trustworthy  saying that deserves full acceptance:  Christ Jesus  came into the world to save sinners–of whom I  AM  the worst.

1 Timothy 1:15
Do you see??? He didn’t say he WAS the worst sinner….but rather “I AM “!!!!

Even Paul realized that he would continue to fight battles with sin, winning some, and losing some, for as long as he lived.

I am not alone.

 I’m surely not the only one who lost a battle!

And Jesus still loves me….
Because I’m the one He came to save. 

On hearing this, Jesus told them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor,  but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous,  but sinners.”

Mark 2:17

Just this morning ,  an awesome memory came back! 

I must have been 17 or 18 years old at the time ,  and every year we all went to a Winter Youth Retreat. It was a retreat for teens from all over the country that were a part of our “church”.  

I remember really loving those days of seeing my friends all in one place ,  and “trying to grow ” as a Christian ,  knowing full well NOW that I had no idea how to DO that!

But the memory I’m referring to was at a nightly worship time .  I don’t even remember who the speaker was…but I remember what he did.

He placed a chair on the front of the stage, right in the center. And he told us to imagine that Jesus was actually SITTING in that chair. He told us to start talking to THAT person.

This was life-transforming for me! 

It may sound really stupid, but this was the first time IN MY LIFE  that I truly understood that when I prayed, I was actually speaking to a REAL PERSON!!

Not just an awesome Creator.

Not just a mighty Power Infuser.

Not just the Omnipotent Judge.

But that He had ears that were open to listen to me…

That He had eyes that truly SAW me…

That He had a heart that could feel what I felt!

He heard the things I heard.  (“We don’t want you.”)

He saw the things I saw.  (He cried tears of blood during betrayal, and saw my own hurts.)

He felt the things I felt. (Rejection, insults, assaults, betrayal, human weakness, dismay, grief, loss…)

All of a sudden, He wasn’t just ALL POWERFUL.

He was also ALL PERSONAL.

And I have to believe that changed the way I spoke with Him.  

I said WITH Him!

Before, I think I talked “at” God.

But imagining He was in that chair, helped me to see Him as my most important Listener and Friend.

Not only the Lion, but also the Lamb.

He bled, and sobbed, and fell down in the dirt in UTTER GRIEF for me!

He cried, He got angry, He begged…

He also laughed, enjoyed His friends, and hugged many.

He’s not just a force in the wind, doling out healing and punishment as He deems.

But He’s a God who is PERSONAL.

I mean, He is a God who was once, a PERSON!!!!

That makes ALL the difference.
The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:17, 18

If you are a parent, and if you’re being totally honest, you’ve felt like a complete failure as a mom or dad at least ONCE.

If you’re anything like ME, you are used to feeling like a failure at least once a DAY!!

I mean, putting aside their physical needs and wants, it’s still a battle to try to raise mature, emotionally healthy, kind, and caring people.

Getting my kids ready for school in the morning is often worse than having teeth pulled, truth be told.  My two kids usually pick first thing in the morning to fight with one another, scream and whine about , um, EVERYTHING, and just in general, test every part of my still-growing character.

Sometimes I finish the “match” victorious, having shed nobody elses’ blood and remaining basically in control of my temper and my sanity.

But there are other days…..
These other days, I’m ashamed to admit it, are filled with screaming, crying, and feeling so out of control. And then there’s the KIDS’  behaviors! 😉😉

If you’re anything like me, you shame yourself all day, go back to the school to apologize to your kids roughly twelve times, and binge-eat macaroni and cheese for the rest of the afternoon.

Because I KNOW I’m supposed to be better than that.  I’m supposed to be calmer than that.  I’m SUPPOSED to be showing my kids who Jesus is through MY actions and behaviors!  

Yet most days, all I do is fail.
Well, I recently heard a quote that kind of helped me breathe a little easier, and because I’m not always selfish, I’m going to share it with all of you, too.:

“Our kids don’t need us to BE Jesus in front of them so much as they need us to NEED  Jesus in front of them.”

Did you just breathe  a sigh of relief there??  
There is truly so much healing in those words for moms, and even dads.
Being Jesus to our kids is daunting and downnright impossible!!

But needing Him??   This is a little easier for me to accomplish.

It involves showing your weakness to your kids.  
“But wait! Why would we do that?”

So that your children will learn early on that all human beings are flawed and very imperfect, and in GREAT NEED of redemption.

Now, I’m not saying go ahead and be horrible to your kids, and they’re just going to have to get used to it.

No, what I’m saying is that I think we need to do more ASKING FOR REDEMPTION, in front of them.

We need to ask for patience.

In front of them.

We need to beg for wisdom.

In front of them.

We need to even start asking THEM for forgiveness when we bite their heads off.

Does this seem more “do-able” to you?  It definitely does to me.

We’ll never BE Jesus.
But with every need we bring Him,

With every weakness exposed and open for healing,

With every confessed sin,

With every apology,

We will be exactly who we need to be for our precious children…

Right in front of them.

As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in His thoughts.  You are my helper and my savior.  O my God, do not delay.

Psalm 40:17