What a week!  I know I’m more susceptible to emotional ups and downs as a strokey, but I’m also sure many parents have felt, are feeling, or will feel much the same way as I do this week.

My oldest, Macy, starts kindergarten later this week.  And, I guess I kind of feel like I’m losing her.  The process of losing has begun, at any rate.  Other people will be feeding her mind, and most importantly, her soul.  And I won’t be there to keep the bullies away, or to persuade her not to become one. I won’t be there when a teacher misspeaks, and damages her worth. I won’t be there to guard this precious girl, with so much attitude, but yet SO very tender. Parents spend their whole lives feeling a little more helpless with each year of their child’s life.  Well, I’m not ready to start saying goodbye to my baby girl! 

Fears of all the heartache that inevitably awaits her is gripping me a little this week.  I used to work for children and youth services, so I have firsthand knowledge of just how evil this world truly is.  If I could put her and me in a bubble right now, I would! And we’d go bouncing off somewhere nice and safe….

I also know that each pain she experiences can be used for her good and for God’s glory.  No, I’m not homeschooling my daughter, but in a sense, I will be.  At HOME, I will have to help her make sense of each situation that puzzles or pains her.  At HOME, I will have to teach her how to forgive, how to be gentle. At HOME, I will have to teach her to be courageous,  and to be a light in this dark, dark world.

Please pray for me and others who begin saying goodbye to their babies…that we would have wisdom for all the many difficult questions….patience to lovingly deal with their big and small mistakes…and for peace, as we leave them in God’s ever-loving hands. He is, after all, the One who lent them to us for awhile. 

This reminds me of one of the verses of a pretty famous song, “Because He Lives”:

http://youtu.be/gEXkrwND8SQ

Last weekend, my husband and I had the opportunity to go away to Ocean City, Maryland.  We got there around noon, and we headed right to the beach. I’ve never really submerged myself in ocean water…just my feet.  Not sure why, but maybe it was a foreshadowing fear of what was to come in a couple of minutes.

My friend, Lynnette, and I were holding hands in water up to our waists, because I’m very unsteady on my left leg.  Well, I got hit with a couple of waves that knocked me under, but I quickly regained my footing and stood up again.  What I did NOT realize was that the tide was changing, which basically means that it looks like two different waves are coming at you at opposite directions, at roughly the same time.

Uggh.

Well, as soon as these huge waves hit, I got separated from my friend, who I in turn thanked  by accidentally kicking her in the head, while both of us were gurgling underwater.  We gasped for air for a second and were quickly attacked again by the next wave.  I was rolling, spinning, and out of control under that water.  One man’s head hit mine dead on…another person kicked me in the gut, and I ingested a TON of sand and ocean water!  I’m still getting sand out of my ears! Oh, and I also lost my glasses. ( No big deal..who really needs to see? : ) ) When I tell the story in front of Lynnette, and I say we nearly drowned, she says very quietly, “Well, it wasn’t quite that bad, Pami.” I may be exaggerating, but it sure did feel like I was NOT gonna ever make it out from under those crazy, psychotic waves!

So, after I was led back to the safety of my towel on the sand, and was dumping sand out of unmentionable places, I looked at all the blurry people still in the ocean.  And I noticed something. There were people who went out much farther than I did, up to their shoulders. The funny thing was, they weren’t being “attacked” by the waves at all.  Rather, they just seemed to be riding along with them, in an annoyingly calm manner, I might add.

So, it seemed that the deeper you went out in the water,  the less the waves seemed to bother you.  You just pretty much….rode them.

That’s kind of how I now see walking with God.  When you’re new to it all, every trial and struggle knocks you around, seeking to drown you in it.  But after you’ve had some of those kicks and smacks in the head under the water, you learn how to trust in the one who created those very waves of trouble you’re in.  And so, to those observing, it looks like you’re simply “riding it out”, because you are!  You still struggle to keep from going under, but out in the depths of really “knowing” Him, you also know you can trust Him.  The physical ocean tossed me around very badly that day.  But the ocean of this life does not hold that same kind of fear for me….because I’ve BEEN tossed pretty well as of late. And He has never let the sadness, fear, or struggles EVER  swallow me up.  He is such a good God!  And He has created some killer waves!  But He’ll help you to ride them out with Him, if you’ll just keep believing….

Psalm 93:4

I’m a little angry today.  At me, and, well, everybody else!  You may have heard that recently the Presbyterian Committee on Congregational Songs (PCCS), (thank goodness that has an abbreviation, because THAT is a mouthful!) discussed including a current song titled “In Christ Alone”, written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend, in an updated hymnal.  Their major debate was whether or not the original line “’Till on that cross as Jesus died/the wrath of God was satisfied”, should be changed to “Till on that cross as Jesus died/ the love of God was magnified.” 

Now, the first thing that has me frustrated is how anyone can be so bold to suggest CHANGING a person’s work of art!!  I’m pretty sure no one ever went up to Pablo Picasso and said, “Hey, that’s cool and everything, but go and add another eye to that weird creature you just painted.” That takes some very insensitive guts!

The other problem I have is, while the second version they suggested is true, the FIRST one is as well! But it doesn’t carry a fluffy, warm, gentle version of God, which is the version most of us desire  to focus on. Instead, it creates an image of an angry God who seeks justice for all the wickedness he sees in the very people He created. It may not make you feel all warm and gooey inside, but who ever said walking with God is  a path filled with roasted marshmallows??

Look at the following verse with me, if you don’t mind:

2 Timothy 4:3-4

Now, once again, I am NOT saying we don’t have a gracious, merciful God, because I know full well we do!  But the only reason He CAN be gracious and merciful and loving is because the price of our sin and shame, or the “wrath of God” was paid!  Or “satisfied.”

I am guilty of often skipping the passages in the bible that rubbed me the wrong way, or made me feel like the sinner I was.  I would prefer to focus on the goodness of God, and completely negate the fact that He was once full of wrath toward me, and is a jealous God!  I preferred to “tickle” or delight my senses with words that melted like butter instead  of something a little harder to digest.

I now see there is grave danger in the picture I was creating of God. Because it was MY picture…not God’s!  The word “wrath” is not one we should stay away from, because His wrath was SATISFIED with the death of His only Son, for our sake!

To that, I don’t brush under any rug, but I simply say HALLELUJAH!!!!!!

 

I’m sure you’ve seen all these inspirational quotes on Facebook or in greeting cards…you know the ones:  “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.”  That sounds very reassuring, doesn’t it?  It’s comforting to think God wouldn’t give you more than you are able to handle.  One teensy little problem.  It’s not true.

I think it comes from a twisting of a certain scripture in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 10:13

The word is “temptation”.  It isn’t “trial” or “struggle” or “challenge” or even “tragedy.”  I really don’t know how we got it so twisted, but twisted it is.  And dangerous!  When we misquote this very important scripture, we do damage to the many people who suffer, and are now told they CAN handle it!

The other huge problem I have with this is that it deceives people into thinking they really ARE strong enough to “handle” whatever it is they’re faced with it.

I one hundred percent believe that God WILL take us to many mountains we CANNOT climb on our own, but to those which require us to completely give up…and allow God to use His great and unlimited power to show US and the rest of the world just how great our God really is!

If you want to quote scripture to encourage someone during their battle, try one of the following, instead. Please!!! Oh, and thank you. 🙂

 

Most of you know, I had my fifth stroke last week.  It was pretty boring…much like the other four.  Blah, blah, blah.  But this one left me with little to no strength in my left leg, so that it was like lifting iron every time I tried to move it.  So, last Thursday, I had to get a cane. Now, those who know me know that I’d sworn I would never be reduced to using a walker or a cane. And here I was.

I would have said before Thursday, that I had had my pride pretty much destroyed by all the other strokes and struggles in the last two years. But I was sooo wrong! This really did me in.  And it wasn’t that I was upset because of what others might think or say. It was the fact that, to me, using a cane was somehow saying that the stroke had beaten me.  And I just didn’t want that to be true or to even feel true to me. It was a very difficult day .

So, in an effort to try to cheer me up, even though I was awful to him all week, my husband suggested we go to this small airport, because he’d heard they were giving free plane rides. FREE PLANE RIDES????? Just those three little words had me feeling like a dog who was just offered bacon! That had always been one of those dreams I’d always had for forever. I was so psyched!

We got to the airport and found out they were still giving rides, so an older gentleman, sizing up me and my cane, took us over to the plane. He was scratching his head, trying to figure out how they’d get me into the cockpit.  But I somehow scurried myself into that plane so fast, he was still scratching and I was already buckled up!  You couldn’t KEEP me from that plane.

Before you knew it, we were flying!  It was so beautiful…the deep green of the valleys, the mountains sparkling from the sun.  It looked like a cross between a patchwork quilt and a really large golf course!  And off in the distance, the pilot informed me that the dark sky was a storm in progress, and I even saw lightning bolts!  It was all so beautiful..just the way I’d always imagined it would be.  The clouds were so close, while we flew in and out of them. I didn’t even hear all of the noise of the plane.  It was perfectly silent, and all I could focus on was God’s splendor all around me! 

Just then, a verse I didn’t remember having known, popped into my head. 

“The lowly, He sets in high places…”

Job 5:11

Do I have an awesome God, or what????  He took me in my lowest state, and lifted me higher than I have ever been!!  He really loves me!!  I know some people would have five strokes and might begin to doubt His love.  But He keeps making it more real and more tangible every day!!!!

He loved me enough to give me that awesome experience of the heights of His love…and He loved me enough to set me down low, too. 

The other day, I watched a documentary called The Power of Forgiveness. One of the segments focused on Eli Wiesel, one of the last living survivors of the Holocaust. He has written many books on his experiences in Auschwitz, the most notorious concentration camp in Germany during the war. He lost his mother, sister, and father, and suffered great loss, as did millions of other Jewish people.
In 2000, he addressed the leaders of Germany at a symposium, talking about the suffering of the Jews during that time.

The president of Germany delivered an emotional speech to the Jewish government in Israel just two weeks later, begging the forgiveness of the Jewish people for his generation’s horrible treatment of the Jews. He also said he was making a humble tribute to the thousands of Jews murdered by his nation, and was grieved that there were no graves for the multitude of Jews who suffered humiliation, starvation, and torturous deaths.
It was beautiful.
Very seldom do those who suffer at the hands of another get a sincere apology, and I would guess it is like healing balm on a burning, painful wound.
But what about those who get no apology? Or those for whom an apology just isn’t enough? Do we have a right to hold onto bitterness, rage, and sorrow because no one said “I’m sorry”?
Lately, I’ve been heartbroken over how we treat the idea of forgiveness. We are told by nearly everyone that we forgive others for OURSELVES…that we will be healthier and happier by forgiving. And even though all of that probably will happen as a result of forgiving another, I really don’t think that should ever be our motivation for doing so! The Bible talks quite a bit about forgiveness, but in all of the times it is mentioned in the New Testament, the ONLY reason for forgiving is because Christ has forgiven US. End of story.
So, I’ve been asking myself lately: When did we start to need any other reason to forgive than because He asks us to?!! It seems we’ll do something for another if it has some kind of benefit to us. But if it doesn’t….then we don’t.
In my life, I have sought to forgive people for self-serving reasons, too. And I have to say…it never worked. God will never grant us something that only comes from Him if our motives are anything other than trying to please Him.
Consider the following verse:

Psalm 37:4
If we sincerely want to please God, then forgiveness will be something we desire, too. And He is faithful to grant that to us.
Eli Wiesel got his apology. But he has since said that he cannot wholeheartedly forgive. What a sad ending to a sad story. If he could forgive, imagine what that could do in the lives of so many, including his own!
Imagine what YOUR forgiveness could do. If you do it for God…not for yourself.

Ephesians 4:32
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

And at the end of the time I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my understanding returned to me; and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever: For His dominion is an everlasting dominion, And His kingdom is from generation to generation. 35 All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of heaven And among the inhabitants of the earth. No one can restrain His hand Or say to Him, “What have You done?”

Daniel 4:34,35

In these verses lie a truth that we are going to uncover…..but first! A little background info on King Nebuchadnezzar, for those that didn’t hear this story a million times in Sunday School.  This was the famous king of Babylon  who had a statue of gold erected, and then commanded all the people, including the Jewish captives, to bow down and worship it. Well, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were having none of it, and refused, knowing that the punishment was to be thrown into the fiery furnace.  Long story short, they were thrown in and were unharmed, and King Nebuchadnezzar vowed that their God would now be His God as well!

That would have been a nice place for the story to end, but soon later, the king gets caught up in himself again and declares his OWN mighty power, glory, and majesty.  So, God gives him a very harsh punishment. (You’ll have to read about that on your own!) And that’s where we pick up with the passage above.  He realizes that in comparison to God, we are nothing!  That HE is in charge, and does everything according to HIS will. 

But that isn’t even the best part.  You see, King Nebuchadnezzar came to the end of himself and saw the all-surpassing power of the one, true God!  And his closing line just gets me every time! He says “No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, ‘What have you done?’”

I think we sometimes get it in our head that we DESERVE an explanation as to why we are in some struggle, pain, or tragedy.  Like He owes us that.  The bottom line is that if we  do somehow find out along the way some reason for our circumstances, then that was a grace moment, and not everybody gets that.  Meaning, we don’t all get to know why we lost what we lost.  It is our job to trust the one who created all things and has dominion over EVERYTHING!

I think it’s pretty safe to say we can trust Him, but we still, deep down inside, would feel better if we just knew why.  All I can say, is we should probably follow Nebuchadnezzar on this one. He realized that God’s power was too great, and His wisdom too deep to ever fully understand.  He realized God did NOT owe Him an explanation. 

And, unfortunately, He doesn’t owe US one, either.  And, the more I learn about how great, gracious, powerful, and sovereign He is, the less I really need one.

 

being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Colossians 1:11-12 NIV

We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, 12 thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

Colossians 1:11-12  The Message

I have seen many dark days over the last three years.  Darkness in various forms.  Darkness from betrayal, deep blackness of not remembering much of my childhood, and the black shadows of losing myself and having to start over. 

These verses have such meaning for me! The part that sticks out for me in the first version happens toward the end.  He has QUALIFIED me!! Now, I’m not qualified to work, not qualified to take care of my kids full time, not qualified to read recipes and follow them, not qualified to go to Africa with a team of people going (health reasons)…basically not qualified to do much of anything.

EXCEPT!!!! I AM qualified to take part in a glorious inheritance that is one day waiting for me! And I AM qualified to use the lessons I’ve learned to become a woman of great endurance, patience, and joy! That is amazing, and I know I am not deserving of any of it, apart from His great grace.

The second version touches me in a different way.  I like how the verse explains that this strength is not a gritting your teeth and “just keep on smiling” kind of strength…but a strength you can only get from God.  And you will KNOW it is from Him, because it will naturally produce endurance, patience, and all the other beautiful things that spring out of hurt and loss. 

The last part I love is the very end of the verse.  He DOES have something bright and beautiful waiting for us!  Maybe it’s all on the other side of glory.  Or maybe we’ll get bits and pieces of it here on earth.  This week, I’ve gotten glimpses into the amazing way God is using the pain of stroke and the pain of many other things, to bring people to Him! I am so humbled that He chose me, and so grateful for all those dark days!  It still sounds crazy to be grateful for pain!

But it is sheerly BECAUSE of that pain that I am able to share something Bright and Beautiful with this world!

If you are still sitting in darkness, waiting for light to shine, keep on asking Him for His strength, because then,nothing will ever be impossible.  And you too, will see the Bright and Beautiful for yourself.

 

And you say, ‘What a burden!’ and you sniff at it contemptuously,” says the LORD Almighty. “When you bring injured, crippled or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?” says the LORD.

Malachi 1: 13

Those are STRONG words!  And they have stung me many times over the years. But within this verse lies a very relevant message for us today, even though it was written in the Old Testament and was written regarding the giving of burnt offerings.  It was time the people got a “talkin’ to”!

Walking with and loving God should never feel strict or restrictive, demanding, constraining, or wearisome.  If it does, my experience tells me that I’m not as close as I’d like to think or as close as I’d like others to think! When you really love God, you are willing to do ANYTHING!  Even if it means giving more of your time to help a family in need, or giving more money than you may even have, to see God work around the entire globe.  Or maybe it just means showing an attitude of love toward everyone you meet. 

If any of these examples inwardly or outwardly cause you to roll your eyes, or grunt and grumble, then it may be time to ask yourself if you really do love Him.  Because, as we all know, love will always cost us something…and should more often than not, cost us EVERYTHING!

Now, I don’t say all this to condemn you if you’re getting weary.  A period of exhaustion always catches up with us, especially when we feel like we are the only ones giving.  But the Bible gives us a word for growing tired on this journey of faith and love:

Galatians 6:9

So, don’t give up if you’re worn out today, and don’t start giving Him less than he deserves.  And if you feel like you honestly have nothing left to give Him, you’re probably in the just the right place!

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away;

Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,

But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Macy and I were in the car this morning, listening to this old hymn, jazzed up a bit by Big Daddy Weave.  She learned the chorus pretty quickly  and soon asked me a question. “So that’s all you have to do, to be happy in Jesus?   Just trust and obey?”  I replied, “Well….yes.”  She then said with a shrug, “Okay, I can do that.  That doesn’t sound too hard.”  Kids make things seem so simple, don’t they?

But we grownups…well, we see what tests and pains come from trusting and obeying.  Trusting and obeying in the darkness of your present circumstances?  When you have no idea where your life is headed? Trusting and obeying when all you’ve counted on is just a memory? Yes.  That is trust.  And that is obedience. 

The thing is, we sometimes treat God as if He is just like all our earthly, human connections…prone to fail us in some way, forget something important, or steer us in the wrong direction.  God is NOT human! 

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?Numbers 23:19

I triple dog dare you to come up with a time when he wasn’t with you, whether you felt Him there with you or not!  He promised to never leave us nor forsake us!   So, He makes all these promises, and shows up in ways we noticed and tons of times we didn’t, so we would feel free to obey Him.  Because we trust Him.  I think that’s why the song is titled “Trust and Obey” and not “Obey and Trust”.  He knows us.  And He knows, if we trust Him, REALLY trust Him, we will do anything and everything for Him.  Out of trust, and hopefully also out of love.

Oh, and P.S.  Really examine the beautiful words of this great hymn. There are many lessons hidden in there!