Then Joshua spoke to the Lord in the day when the Lord delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel: “Sun, stand still over Gibeon; And Moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.” 13 So the sun stood still, And the moon stopped, Till the people had revenge Upon their enemies. Is this not written in the Book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and did not hasten to go down for about a whole day. 14 And there has been no day like that, before it or after it, that the Lord heeded the voice of a man; for the Lord fought for Israel.

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.

Job 38:12

Sigh.

Recently, I received some pretty negative feedback about my blog. That’s the thing about blogs. You have to take the hurtful comments along with the positive ones. One of the comments was this: “When are you going to close the door on your stroke?” At first it was okay, but now it’s a bit much, and most of us are over it. Besides, where is God in your blog? He is nowhere to be found. It’s becoming self-indulgent.”

When I first received this comment, I will admit I cried. One of my biggest weaknesses, is that I am a people pleaser, even though I’m getting better about it. Anyway, I took a long, hard look at the situation, reread all of my blogs, and most of all, prayed.

So, I’m going to address this point by point, not to defend myself and not to be petty. But, what if other people feel the way this person does? The last thing I want to be is a hindrance to somebody knowing who God is. To help people understand where I’m coming from, I’m going to attempt this, okay?

The first sentence: How could I close the door on my stroke? It is not a broken leg, something that in time will completely heal. It is ever present in most aspects of my life. There’s that and there’s also the fact that I keep getting them.

Second sentence: I kind of agree with this one, to an extent. It’s VERY easy to be “over” something that has never happened to you, so it must be a drag to read it if you feel that way. And to that end, I would really like you to NOT read it if it’s really bothering you. But I WILL say, that there are at least 300 or so stroke survivors who read it each week, and they know there’s really no “getting over it.” Plus, all of the people who have suffered a deep loss have probably been told in so many words to “get over it.” It seems ruder to say that to someone who lost a child than it does to say that to someone who had a stroke, which is pretty hurtful. A loss is a loss.

Third sentence: This one really hurt. If you can’t see God in my blogs, then I’m not sure where you’re looking. Because to me, He is EVERYWHERE in them! I challenged myself to use this blog a few months into it to not only study verses and give my insight, but to also share the gospel by challenging who WE ALL have known God to be! Granted, that’s at the very beginning of the gospel, but it’s definitely a part. How will anyone make a genuine commitment to God unless they know the TRUTH about who He is? I take my role in all of this VERY seriously.

Last part: Self indulgent. Honestly, putting my whole heart out there so that everyone can see the mess that it is, is extremely difficult! And I never do that, thinking to exalt myself in any way. I only want to give glory to God for taking so much time showing a pitiful little girl who her God is.

Okay. That’s it.

Now here’s what I learned from this whole hullabaloo.

I KNOW that Satan would LOVE for me to think that the person who wrote these words must hate me and is my enemy. But the only enemy I will EVER have is him!

I’ve gotten several really encouraging verses that have really helped me remember who I’m battling against!

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

And here’s my favorite!

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

1Corinthians 15:58

This is MY walk, MY journey. So, I’m just gonna keep on walking. 🙂

Can I say something? I am NOT a fan of Mother’s Day!

Yuck. Blah.

Yeah, it’s great to celebrate our moms and thank them for all they did for us. But it’s different when YOU are the mom. At least it is for me.

All this holiday ever seems to do is remind me of what kind of mom I’m NOT.

I’m not the home schooler mom…yeah, I can’t even help my kids with homework past the second grade. (Wait. When do they start teaching decimals? If it’s in second grade, well…crap.)

I’m also not the great listener mom. My head hears every conversation going on around me, and it’s almost impossible for me to really HEAR what someone is saying to me. And what I DO hear, I usually can’t remember, which my daughter sensibly chalks up to my not listening well.

I’m not a patient mom, either. It doesn’t take much to blow my top, and it’s harder for me to control now. When Macy is getting ready for school in the morning (getting ready means sitting on the floor, whining about needing to get dressed for about 45 minutes…and then she’s late!), I think it would be more fun to stab myself in the eye with a toothpick!

And, I’m not the fixer mom. In fact, I guess I’m more of the “breaker mom”. I have run into our garage door more times than I care to share with the whole universe. When Macy breaks something or can’t get a toy to work, she is famous for saying these six little words: “I’ll wait till Dad gets home.”

When you put the truth up against all of these other mothers, BETTER mothers…what can I do?

I can remind myself that I DO honestly and totally LOVE my kids!!!

I can remind myself that when they are sick, scared, or injured, they can’t get into my arms fast enough!

I can tell myself that even though I’m not the greatest listener in the world, that never stops them from wanting to tell me ALL KINDS of things!

The reason I dislike Mother’s Day so much is because of who I see me to be, and of who I see all the other mothers in the world to be. Comparison is never fun. Instead, maybe I should look at myself through my kids’ eyes.

I may not be home schooling my kids, but that doesn’t stop them from thinking I know a lot!

I may not be the greatest listener, but my kids LOVE to talk to me!

I may not be the patient mom, but my kids are NEVER afraid of me.

And I may not be the fixer mom, but that never keeps my kids from asking, and EXPECTING, me to make it all better.

If I look at myself from their perspective, I guess I’m not so bad! 🙂

Today marks the third anniversary of my first massive stroke, the day that changed EVERYTHING for me. I don’t remember much of that first week, but I do know that I came very close to dying that day.

When something like that happens to you, it forever changes you. You begin to take this life you’ve so graciously been given more seriously than you might have before.

I also know that at any moment another stroke like the first one (I’ve had lots of little ones since.) could simply take my life here on earth away.

For the longest time, that thought just paralyzed me. I mean, how can I live each day, knowing it could be my last? The answer was just that.

To live.

Each day.

Knowing it could be my last.

Is there anything I need to fix or set right?

Is there anyone who needs my forgiveness?

Is there anyone I need to forgive?

Is there anything I don’t want to leave unsaid?

Is there anyone who needs someone to comfort them today?

Is there anyone who needs a kind gesture tossed their way?

Is there anything new I should attempt today?

Really, this is a list for everybody, not just those of us who nearly faced death. We are ALL a moment away for losing our chance to live a life that pleases God.

The days before my stroke, dying or having so much of myself taken away, was the very last thing on my mind! I foolishly never gave it much thought. It is still so surreal that this happened to me, but I’m not getting hung up on it anymore.

Instead I’m getting hung up on making the most of every day! I try to use those questions above as a checklist each evening. And I do that for myself, but I also do it for all the people who love me and who I have loved. In my opinion, there can be nothing worse than leaving people with no assurance of how much you loved them!

This is not a carpe diem speech. This is just a message from someone who had her eyes open….Don’t let another day go by without fixing things, without showing love to others, without offering much-needed forgiveness to another hurting soul. Because you’ll never know if you’re going to get another chance.

Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming. 43 But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. 44 Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

The other day my daughter, Macy, was outside drawing with chalk. She drew a heart and sweetly wrote both of our names inside of it. It didn’t look like your typical, standard heart, but I loved it! (See the masterpiece above?) Then, she asked me to draw one, too.

Now, I’m no artist, but daVinci has nothing on me, according to Macy. But after she praised it as the best heart ever (why, thank you!), she started to sulk. When I saw how disappointed she looked, I asked her what was wrong. She said, in her best whimpery voice, “Oh Mom! I could never make a heart as perfect as YOURS!”

Often, I say the same thing to God. I see His perfect, flawless heart….then I look at MY heart. Mine is crooked and badly misshapen. It is deformed by bitterness and discontentment. It is distorted from jealousy and fear. I could go on for days.

It’s easy to feel hopeless when you see your filthy heart next to God’s beautiful, pure one.

We could easily just give up and say, “Hey. Why bother? I’ll never be perfect, so why try?” I can agree with the very last part of the sentence. Really. Why try? All my trying still comes from a twisted, disfigured soul. If WE are trying, we will simply never get very far.

God never ASKS us to try! He asks us to trade our hearts in for a new one, made and created with the love that led Him to die for each one of us…so that we would never have to TRY again!

By the way…When you trade your heart in, He doesn’t grimace or wince at it. He looks at it with LOVE, just like we cherish our children’s masterpieces. Because even in our ugliest state, He only sees beauty. In our weakest of conditions, He only sees great strength!

Why is that????

Because every time He looks at us, He only sees one thing. His Son. The greatest Masterpiece of ALL!!

Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the Lord; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.

Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes – God takes pleasure in your pleasure! 8 Dress festively every morning. Don’t skimp on colors and scarves. 9 Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! 10 Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there’s neither work to do nor thoughts to think In the company of the dead, where you’re most certainly headed. Ecclesiastes 9:7-9

Today is my youngest baby’s third birthday. Micah Nathaniel. This boy LOVES to run! He runs in the house, no matter how many times we tell him not to. He runs to the car…he runs to school… he is always running. He even runs right after getting hurt (which happens usually because he was running!).

Micah was born with absolutely no sense of fear.  He is impulsive, sometimes reckless, and always excited for his next adventure.

A little over a year ago, before Micah was even 2, he dove headfirst into a little, half-frozen pond, in February! He just can’t see danger. To him, life isn’t about avoiding danger…it’s about EMBRACING it!

Of course, as a mom, these characteristics scare the granny panties right off of me. But, a part of me loves that about him. He doesn’t avoid things because of their potential to harm him…he even seems to run TO them!

Another part of me is just plain jealous. I so wish I could live that way! Not living in fear of dying, of getting hurt. I’ve learned a lot these past few years, so the fear is not consuming anymore. But I do think about it often, because I came so close.

The way I’d LIKE to live my life is the way Micah does. Full speed ahead! If I get hurt, sob for a minute, and then get up and start running again! I want to enjoy all the moments I’ve got, and I want to embrace ALL of it! Including all the scary stuff. There’s a line in “The Lion King”, which totally describes Micah, and describes who I am striving to become: “I laugh in the face of danger! HA HA HA!”

To most of us, life is full of danger, and much of it is really no laughing matter. But wouldn’t it be great if we would just seize it….grab hold of whatever it is, and let it break us, melt us….change us!

Say it with me, people! “I laugh in the face of danger!”

HA HA HA!!!

I used to write poetry all the time.  I know this because there’s a journal filled with them. It’s a real challenge for me now…but I recently wrote this one, so i thought it was poetry time! For those that hate trying to figure out what poems are trying to say, I’ll help you out a little.  This is a poem of paradoxes (?).  It’s some of the images we associate with Him. Hope you all like it!

 

FEATHER AND SWORD

Shepherd and Judge

Cloud and Fire

Hero and Slayer

Feather and Sword

Sun and Hurricane

Father and Furnace

Chariot and Cross

Servant and Master

Valley and Peak

Dove and Serpent

Lamp and Lightning

Pond and Ocean,

Whisper and Roar

Silver and Clay

Feather and Sword…

Feather and Sword

A Song. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised In the city of our God, In His holy mountain.

For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

It was just a couple weeks ago at church, when we were singing “You deserve the glory, and the honor, and I lift my hands in worship, and I bless Your holy name…You are Great, You do miracles so great…There is no on else like You, there is no one else like you.” I remember being struck by the words , “You are great.” Not because they’ve never been used in a song before…but I realized, maybe for the first time, that these words were not simply some man or woman’s OPINION. No, they were FACT!!!

I don’t know about you, but it is so comforting to know that our eternity and our God is a FACT, and not anyone’s conjecture! You’ll notice the Bible never says, “I think You’re great!” “ I think you are Wonderful!” “I ‘feel’ like you are Faithful!”

Some may disagree with this way of thinking, or believing, but then, that is faith. Believing that He is Wonderful, even though He doesn’t always let YOU feel wonderful! Believing that He is Great, even when you are feeling anything but!

He IS Great! He IS Wonderful! He IS Mighty! He IS Peace! He IS Everlasting!

Be encouraged today! You believe in a God who IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And THAT’S A FACT!!

I remember getting a boatload of advice when I was dating! One piece of advice has stayed with me, and I plan to pass it along to my daughter: “Make sure your heart doesn’t rule your decisions. Instead, carefully observe him. Especially make sure to pay attention when he gets a flat tire, or gets stuck in a traffic jam.” This sage person who told me that must have figured out , as I have, just how much of marriage is really about the flat tires and traffic jams of life. Frustrating circumstances don’t necessarily “prove” your character, but they certainly do test and reveal it!

We’re not usually that comfortable talking about it, but the bible says God tests us, too.

I think we don’t like the sound of the word “test”. If you didn’t excel in school, then it can’t mean anything good! But I really don’t believe it is to do anything but help exercise those muscles of patience, wisdom, and self-control, and to reveal who we really are, and who we believe God to be.

In my experience, God doesn’t test us to see if we will fail, but instead, tests us to see if we will SUCCEED! We have a righteous God, but we also have a loving and gracious God, too!

I think we are often taking the same test for YEARS…not because He’s just waiting for us to screw it up again, but He’s waiting for that day when we don’t take the bait, and instead of falling into temptation, or simply falling apart, we obey Him and trust Him through it! Remember, the bible says we are like gold, refined by fire. The fire is what reveals the very beauty inside of us, which is Jesus!

I want to handle these tests like Jesus would handle them. I want Him to at least see a glimpse of Himself when He looks at me.

So, I guess if that’s what I want, then bring on the tests!!

I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings.

Jeremiah 17:10

James 1:19

 

I have a friend.  Scratch that.  I have a BEST friend.  Wait.  Scratch that, too.  I have a friend who might as well be my sister, and that’s how I usually refer to her.  Actually, since we’ve known each other practically since birth, she’s almost like my TWIN sister! I’m pushing it, I know…I just wanted  everyone to understand how important Lori is to me.

I could go on and on about her great qualities, but there is one that I am particularly fond of, as of late.

Every time something bad or painful ever happened to me, Lori never had anything to say.  “What?, you say?” “She never said anything??? Some friend!” That’s exactly what made her one. Most messes I found myself in, she had never experienced. So, if she pretended she knew, and spoke out of some obligation to fill the void silence brings, we both would know that it was just that.  Words to substitute awkwardness.

Instead, “I don’t know what to say”, was all she said.  Then, she’d sit next to me and hold my hand, or hug me for a thousand years while I cried.

I’m not gonna lie.  There were times I  wished she’d had SOMETHING say. But in retrospect, if it wasn’t real or really helpful, I’m sure I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it.

“Just be grateful for what you STILL have.”

“It could be worse.”

“God has a plan.”

“Maybe God knew you weren’t ready.”

Those are all examples of words we have ALL heard many, many times.  The thing about them is that most of them are always true.  But, is it helpful? 

Not so much.  These are all things we already know!  Occasionally, when they’re said because you don’t know what else to say,  they actually cause more harm than good.  What I mean by that is, sometimes those catch phrases just make people feel guilty for feeling anything but gratitude for the yucky circumstances they find themselves in.  While we should all strive to live grateful lives, we are ALSO supposed to live HONEST, TRANSPARENT lives.  And honestly, we all have rough days.

Think about it.  Job’s friends sat with him for  a whole week before uttering a sound to him about all that he had lost.  And when they stopped being silent was about the time their words started getting them into trouble! And that leads me to my favorite verse in the Bible:    Job 13:5

Oh, if only you would be altogether silent!  For you, that would be wisdom. 

That’s a biblical equivalent for the phrase, “Shut up!” (Finding things like that is a secret little joy of mine.;) )

Now, I know this might come off as sounding harsh or ungrateful, and I certainly don’t intend to hurt anyone.  And I’m also aware that many of those things are just so tempting to say….because you desperately want to say SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to lessen your friend’s pain.  But, maybe you can only see the down side of those words after walking down a road or two, marked with some kind of loss. 

Basically, the point of writing this is to change the way we approach people who are suffering.  Words are great, if someone asks for them, and if they are CLEARLY what God instructed you to say.  But personally, I see great wisdom in silence. 

If you have any other tips for friends to be “better” friends, please leave them in the comments below.  Thank you!!

 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29